Writing For Myself

How often do we do things for ourselves? So much of our mental CPU is dedicated to pleasing others. Exceeding expectations from parents, bosses, friends, and critics. It's exhausting. What about us? We don't do enough for "me". Getting a haircut or a cup of coffee doesn't count. Buying new clothes might give you temporary satisfaction, but the results are short-lived. I'm talking about doing things that will make you a better person.

Finishing school is one example. You can make it in America without a degree, but society makes it infinitely harder without this simple piece of paper. Learning a new language, learning to cook, pretty much learning anything will benefit you for years to come. But it's not always learning. You can also do something for yourself through accomplishment. You can pave the road for others with your actions. Amelia Earhart was the first woman to fly across the Atlantic solo. She paid the ultimate sacrifice for her bravery, but she also demolished gender biases with a single flight.

This morning I watched the film, "Seven Years In Tibet" starring Brad Pitt. There was one scene in particular that stuck with me--comparing the Western philosophy of personal achievement with that of Tibetan monks . In "Western culture", we praise those with social status be it wealth, fame, or both. Yet in the Tibetan culture, they admire those who are most humble. They perceive a person's sacrifice of self as the greatest possible achievement in life, and the path to enlightenment.

Who's right? What's more noble? Should we pursue our dreams to far off lands, wealth, unconditional love, and admiration of others?  Or should we live selflessly, with compassion for all living beings? I don't expect an answer. And of course this is a scenario where there are equally strong cases for either argument, suggesting the logical answer is somewhere in the middle, drawing the best from both philosophies.

Adam Smith said if every person looked after themselves, the world will prosper--a "capitalist" argument. I'd even add there's an evolutionary predisposition to look after yourself first. It's counterintuitive to "assist the child seated next to you" in the event of an emergency. The rational brain shuts down and survival instincts kick in. Yet when we're not under immediate life-threatening danger, we're constantly helping others.  It's what makes society as we know it possible.

Where's the Goldilocks medium? How much time and attention should we focus on ourselves versus the people we care most about?  In many ways, the people who love you share in your successes, so doing what's best for you is a good thing. Also, by accomplishing the things that you wish to achieve, you give others (who might be waiting for social certification) permission. I.E. the Earhart effect.

But doing things for yourself feels wrong. Selfish. Like you're ignoring your duty to society and building your own world. Though, I assure you this isn't the case. This post was for me. I needed to read this. There's a Gandhi quote that says, "Be the change you wish to see I the world."  Essentially whether it's business, art, writing (which I consider an art), flying, hop-scotching, whatever you do, it should be for you. 

George Mallory was once asked why he wanted to summit Everest. His response is famous, "Because it's there." We only get a little bit of time to do all the things we want to do. If we're lucky, we get about eighty to ninety years, and if we're really lucky, we get one hundred. In these handful of years, you determine the kind of person you want to be. You can decide how you want to be remembered. And you can choose to live a life that's your own, and in doing so, help millions of other people do the same.

Definitive Guide To Getting Better At Shit

How many conferences do you attend, books do you buy, how much advice do you seek? Don't misinterpret what I'm about to suggest, but this isn't the stuff that matters. There's only one proven way to get better at something and I'm going to do my best to explain it as simply as possible.

To get better at shit, you have to do it. You have to roll up your pressed white sleeves, the bottom of your jeans, and get dirty. Theory and practice go together like "peas and carrots", but if you had to choose between reading about playing soccer or playing soccer, which one do you think will make you a better player? 

I've played soccer most of my life, so I'm using it as an example. I couldn't tell you the number of hours, days, months, I've practiced soccer, but it's a pretty freaking large chunk. So what?  Can't you hack skills and get good really quick?

Hacking will only get you so far. It's true there are people who are "naturally gifted". But for the rest of us mortals, to become truly great at something takes practice. At a high level of competitive soccer, you're not afforded the time to think when you get the ball. You have to already know what you're going to do with it once it hits your foot. Using official soccer jargon, a coach might say to a player, "anticipate the play". These precious seconds of receiving and distributing the ball to it's next destination separate the top players from the rest.

Beyond a certain level, the fundamentals are all there. The only way to pick up these sixth-sense details is to become fluent. Practice, practice, practice. Malcolm Gladwell describes this as the "10,000 hour" rule, suggesting that to become "an expert", you must practice at least 10,000 hours. I don't disagree.

There are ways of course, to accelerate learning. Studying the best of the best in any field will give you techniques to imitate or ideas to try. Reading books, listening to lectures, and asking plenty of questions might also speed up the process. But in "the laws of getting better at shit", experience trumps them all.

If you're not prepared to invest the time to learn something, ask yourself why you want to learn the skill at all. What's your motive? Is it money, fame, girls? You must confront your desire to get better at something and dismiss the other reasons. In my experience the best motive is love.

If what you're working on doesn't feel like work, chances are you'll be more willing to dedicate those 10,000 hours. Soccer practice never felt like work, with the exception of a few crazy amounts of running but even then, I knew it would pay off in my overall performance, so I was happy to sacrifice the energy. That's my best advice. Find stuff you genuinely would do for hours and hours for free. That's what will most likely get you fame, money, and maybe even the girls. 

Getting better is a great feeling. With each incremental improvement you bump yourself into the next percentile of people practicing your craft. What will be effortless to you might seem impossible to someone just beginning. Your time, energy, and extra laps around the field will be worth it.

Start with what you love. Let the rest take care of itself. One practice at a time, enjoy the process. Smile at the hurdles and focus on your goal. You'll get there. And when you do, don't forget to help others find their own way.